Falling out of love...and climbing back in!

In class this week, we hit on a topic that really has stuck with me.  We have been talking about the challenges in marriage, particularly the first year of marriage.  The topic of gaming came up as being a problem in some marriages.  My husband I and many years back, had a personal friend that dealt with this very issue.  Our friend found himself lost in another world of a game and often lost track of time.  He became obsessed with the virtual world, often neglecting his wife and children.  After a couple years of this behavior, the couple divorced.  Our friend told us, if he could change things, reverse time and take back his actions, he would.  He didn't see what it was doing to his family until it was too late.  As I thought about this, I thought about how many times I have seen technology destroying communication and relationships, not just in marriages, but with other friends and family. Many are so dependant upon their electronic devices that they are lost with out them.  Don't get me wrong, I think technology can do many great things, but I can see how it can cause a lot of harm.  I thought of how managing our time is the best way when using technology.  Things As they Really Are is a video that illustrates this perfectly.  It made me start to think about my own life and relationships and how important to have "moderation in all things".  Satan wants to ultimately destroy our family and marriages.  He doesn't want to see us be happy, and obtain what he will never have.

"And I know that one of Satan’s cunning methods of undermining the work of the Lord is to attack the sacred institutions of marriage and the family."--Russel M. Nelson

WE are in control, NOT Satan!

“We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the celestial kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body. The devil has no body, and herein is his punishment. He is pleased when he can obtain the tabernacle of man, and when cast out by the Savior he asked to go into a herd of swine, showing that he would prefer a swine’s body to having none.“All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him. The moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 181).

We need to remember these things.  Love and forgive our spouse.  We need to not let Satan have power over us and our marriage.  Remember why you married your spouse in the first place. This is another great message of a lady who had "fallen" out of love with her spouse. It is a great message of how to gain the love back and heal the relationship.  Falling out of love...and climbing back in

Don't give up on your marriage.

"I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life, events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce. Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce—especially where there are children—generate new conflicts."--Dallin H. Oaks

On a final note, I have one last video.  We need to do all we can to keep our marriage strong.  Communicate, love, forgive, continue to date, etc.  As you do these things, I truly believe that you will find that you love your spouse more than the first day of your marriage.  "The kind of marriage required for exaltation—eternal in duration and godlike in quality—does not contemplate divorce."--Dallin H. Oaks  Saving your marriage

Practice to Prepare

This week in class, we read a talk that was given by Bruce A. Chadwick at a BYU devotional on May 7, 2002.  Chadwick titled his address,"Hanging out, Hooking up, and Celestial Marriage." I had to include this talk in my blog this week, even though I would like to talk about something else, because I feel like it is important for everyone to hear his message.   In it, Chadwick talks about 5 ways we can gain and strengthen Eternal Marriage.  Great message, please read by clicking on this link:  Hanging out, Hooking Up, and Celestial Marriage

 Until this week, I guess I have been naive to the world's standard of modern dating.  I didn't realize the pressures a young women feels, if the man pays for the date, to be in some kind of debt to him.  I didn't realize how casual dating has gotten.  These things ultimately take us away from the bigger picture of Eternal marriage.  I can see how Satan is working very hard to destroy families, so why not start at the very beginning...dating!  I wanted to address the 3 p's of proper dating; Planned, Paid for, and Paired off.  First off, the date should be planned.  The young man should take charge of this, if this is the first date or two...after that, I feel like the young women could feel free to take a turn.  He should carefully plan his date.  When, where and what you will be doing, etc.  After that, he should also plan on taking care of the costs of the date.  It doesn't mean expensive, some of the best dates are free, but just take care of any costs that might come up.  The last "p" is important so that the two on the date can have a better chance to get to know each other, and feel a connection(or see if there is one).  Now these 3 p's are for a proper date. Most of the time it is the man's responsibility to insure that the p's are in place...Now let us look at The Proclamation.  In this, it talks about the responsiblity/role that a husband has over his home.  Notice it is once again, the 3 p's(My brilliant teacher is the one who figured this out, so I must give him the credit)  They are Preside, Provide, and Protect.  Each of these seems to go hand and hand with the 3 p's of dating.
Planned-----Preside
Paid for-----Provide
Paired off---Protect
Can you see how they are connected?  Can you see how dating, in the proper way, is practicing and preparing us for our roles in our eternal family?  Now gentlemen, when you follow these steps in dating, I assure you the women's role of Nurturing will be there. :D  The proclamation was carefully written...with many drafts.  We need this message more than ever.  We need to protect our roles as men and women, marriage, and the family.  Let us start(throw off Satan's plan) at the very beginning, with the 6 p's of dating!

A Sensitive Topic

In my family relations class this week, we talked about a sensitive subject, same sex attraction.  This is a hard issue to discuss, and I don't wish to offend anyone by this post.  I can't say I know for certain what causes these same sex attractions.  I feel deeply that I must take the same view as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints approach on this issue.  Dallin H. Oaks and Lance B. Wickman did a interview with public affairs on same-gender attraction found here:

 http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/interview-oaks-wickman-same-gender-attraction

In this interview, Wickman had said, "Whether it is nature or nurture really begs the important question, and a preoccupation with nature or nurture can, it seems to me, lead someone astray from principles that Elder Oaks has been describing here.  Why somebody has a same-gender attraction...who can say? But what matters is the fact that we know we can control how we behave, and it is behavior which is important."

I also like where Elder Oaks talked about how the sin is not in having those inclinations or feelings, but it is in yielding to that temptation.  This commandment applies to everyone.  We have the agency to choose how we will live. God has commanded to us that marriage and sexual relationships should only be between male and female, husband and wife.  This is how God has designed it.  The important thing to realize is that we are not alone.  God will never give us more than we can handle.  We can overcome all things through Him.

Some interesting things I have learned from my class discussion was that:
95% of gay/lesbian have issues with pornography
70% of gay/lesbian have been sexually abused in some way(often before the age of 12)

We ultimately have a desire for intimacy.  We want to feel loved and accepted.  How many, I wonder, look towards the same sex to find this...

I would like to share the video link that we watched for my class on understanding same sex attraction, in hopes that it might open your mind to a different way of thinking about this subject....

http://vimeo.com/71799175

We also watched a video that touched my heart deeply in my Family Foundations class that I thought I should share.  This site is full of useful information.  Go to it and watch the video called, "A personal Experience"-Ty's story

http://www.mormonsandgays.org/

I hope that this post has been helpful for anyone who is looking for more information out there on this topic.  Those that are struggling with this very issue, whether personally or with a loved one, I hope that you will find peace.  Pray.  Stay close to our Father in Heaven who loves us and would never leave us.  Hopefully you know or will know  just how important you are!

Stand For The Right

In class this week, we had a discussion on whether differences in cultures are good or bad, right or wrong. Are all cultures equally valid? At first I thought that this was an easy answer.  Of course the differences in cultures don't make one right or wrong. As I sat in class and listened to my classmates, my thoughts began to change.  I realized that there is a difference between having tolerance and respect towards others and tolerating the wrong behavior.  This made me think of a couple of examples.  The first thing I thought about was about a time that I was talking to my younger(but much more brilliant) brother, about the issues of gay marriage.  It seems to be a heated topic in our country lately.  I had told my brother that I was so frustrated with all the debates.  I thought, why not just let anyone and everyone get married?  Shouldn't everyone have a choice? Why not just let them have the freedom to do what ever it is they want? (Now take note that in saying this, I was not agreeing with the behavior, but just thought we should all stop fighting and let it be)  My brother then said something that will stick with me forever. He said, my dear sister(okay, maybe not completely like that...but it sure sounds better, right? :) ), if we don't stand up for marriage, who will?  When we have been told that the constitution(in the last days) will be hanging by a thread, who do you think that thread is?  We must hold on to the Lord's values, our values.  We need to fight and stand for what is right, even if we are the only ones standing.  How true this message is.  I thought of the Primary song, "Stand for the Right".  The words are simple, but ring out loud and strong:

Our prophet has some words for you, 

And these are the words:

"Be true, be true."

At work or at play,In darkness or light,

Be true, be true, And stand for the right.

"We MUST stand as a witness to God at all times, and in all things and in all places..."(Mosiah 18:9)  We can not forget this.  "Be true, be true."

Another thought that I had during this time was that we should look to Christ as our example.  Treat others as he did.  Don't judge.  Be full of Charity.  In doing this, remember to be an example of His gospel.  Never compromise your values.  This is a great way to be a missionary. 

In this blog, I would like to include a message that was given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks on this very matter.  His message is clear.  May we heed his words and always, Stand for the Right.

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/-truth-and-tolerance-elder-dallin-h-oaks  

An ideal family

This week in my Family Relations class, we learned a little about Salvador Munition(a well know family therapist).  Munition would create "family maps" of the family he was counseling.  These simple maps would tell him the role of each individual member of the family, how they interacted with each other, and what kinds of boundaries they would place between them and others.  During class, we had a few students who volunteered to play a "family"(Father, mother, and son).  We learned that the mother was close to the son, but that the father had often distanced himself from them.  The mother and father had little communication which put up a barrier between them.  Also the mother didn't quite know her full role and often times would be confused at what her relationship was with her son(mother...friend?)  The map looked a little bit like this: 

Any ideas what a healthy family would look like?

After just a few sessions(give or take) with the family theapist, hopefully our family would look more like this:

The thing that caught my attention with this mapping, is that the mom and dad are at the center, on an equal level, in their own small circle.  I truly believe that the husband and wife should put their marriage first.  They need to work together as one.  

Elder James E. Faust once said, 

"The most sacred, intimate, and blessed relationship of life is between husband and wife. I do not love anybody like I love my wife. My mother has[my] father, and my children have their companions, but Ruth is me. Our wives become part of us, and they become like our own flesh—and as Paul counseled, we should love them as such. (See Eph. 5:28–33.) The simple truth is that it is not good for man to be alone." 

I know that there is no such thing as a perfect family, but we can all strive to seek balance in order to create an ideal family for us.  

It is important that we allow God into our marriage and home.  This will ultimately bring us balance and joy into our relationship.  

We must strive for greater spirituality in our relationships, and especially in our homes. Literally taking the Lord into partnership with us will bring us a full measure of peace, happiness, unity, and contentment.--James E. Faust

Children benefit greatly from a husband and wife working together as one.  Pray together. Read scriptures together.  Remember why you got married.  Respect one another.  Find things to do that you both enjoy.  Communicate.  Create a home of love that welcomes the spirit.  A home of safety and peace.  The rest will fall into place.

 "Indeed, one of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother."--Howard W. Hunter

You will be called "Old fashioned"

Alma 30:14  "Behold, these things which ye call prophecies, which ye say are handed down by holy prophets, behold, they are foolish traditions of your fathers."--Korihor(a known anti-Christ)

Remember the times of the Cosby Show? Good family values...mom, dad, 5 children...loved each other?  The typical American family.  Even though it was not that many years ago, times have sure changed.  In this day in age, we often are no longer shocked to see couples who never marry, or never have children.  It has become a norm to have premarital sex or see unwed mothers.  Divorce rates have greatly increased and birth rates have decreased.  Why are we no longer shocked?  Why have we seemed to loose value in families?  Why is the way of the Cosby show considered "old fashioned"?

During this week of my Family Relations class, we discussed these trends and why they are happening.  I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that we as a world have slowly pushed God out of our lives.  In America, we can no longer pray in school.  America would like to take God out of the constitution and pledge of allegiance.  I know that these are not the textbook answers, but I feel deep down, that this is the biggest reason for our world changing.  In 1995, we received the Proclamation to the Family through the twelve apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I know that the timing of this is not a coincidence.  We need to know what defines a family more than ever.  In this Proclamation, we can learn of what marriage is and what each of our roles are as males and females.  I know that many out there might not agree with this message, but I would ask you to read it with an open mind and ask(pray) to know if it is true.  Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "...Never in the history of the world has it been more important to learn how to correctly discern between truth and error." Satan wants to deceive us on what a family truly is.  He wants us to feel alone and helpless.  Even though this Proclamation will be the "road less traveled"or "old fashioned", it is the way of the Lord.  It is the way for us to be truly happy.  It is the way to be with our family forever.  Notice this Proclamation does not just say this is only for the people of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but for the world!    

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

I also recommend reading the words of Elder Henry B. Eyring from his BYU address shortly after The Proclamation was released.  His message is powerful.  

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/02/the-family?lang=eng

I sure miss the Cosby Show...

Forever is an awfully long time...

Let's face it, when it comes to family, we all feel like this from time to time...

Sometimes I want to "make my family disappear"...but most of the time, I wouldn't trade them for the world.  My family is my greatest joy.  I love being able to be with others that will love me no matter what or who I am.  According to the LDS handbook 2: Families in the Church it reads, "Heavenly Father established families to bring us happiness, to help us learn correct principles in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare us for eternal life."  I know that many out there, maybe even you, do not have this in your home, but this is something to strive for in the future.  I didn't have the perfect family growing up, and my home was not the most ideal place to come home to, but as I moved out and started a family of my own, I tried to make this a priority for my spouse and children.  The world needs more righteous families.  They need examples of couples who have respect and love towards one another, who strive to have a home that the spirit can dwell in.  There are many types of families out there, and sometimes we don't have control over our family situations, but just remember you are never alone.  Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of you.  We all have a heavenly family.
I started this blog for a college class that I am taking at BYU-Idaho, but I hope that this blog will become more than just an assignment.  I hope that, even though I am not the best writer, I might be able to help bring someone to a greater understanding of what this life is all about: family.