Practice to Prepare

This week in class, we read a talk that was given by Bruce A. Chadwick at a BYU devotional on May 7, 2002.  Chadwick titled his address,"Hanging out, Hooking up, and Celestial Marriage." I had to include this talk in my blog this week, even though I would like to talk about something else, because I feel like it is important for everyone to hear his message.   In it, Chadwick talks about 5 ways we can gain and strengthen Eternal Marriage.  Great message, please read by clicking on this link:  Hanging out, Hooking Up, and Celestial Marriage

 Until this week, I guess I have been naive to the world's standard of modern dating.  I didn't realize the pressures a young women feels, if the man pays for the date, to be in some kind of debt to him.  I didn't realize how casual dating has gotten.  These things ultimately take us away from the bigger picture of Eternal marriage.  I can see how Satan is working very hard to destroy families, so why not start at the very beginning...dating!  I wanted to address the 3 p's of proper dating; Planned, Paid for, and Paired off.  First off, the date should be planned.  The young man should take charge of this, if this is the first date or two...after that, I feel like the young women could feel free to take a turn.  He should carefully plan his date.  When, where and what you will be doing, etc.  After that, he should also plan on taking care of the costs of the date.  It doesn't mean expensive, some of the best dates are free, but just take care of any costs that might come up.  The last "p" is important so that the two on the date can have a better chance to get to know each other, and feel a connection(or see if there is one).  Now these 3 p's are for a proper date. Most of the time it is the man's responsibility to insure that the p's are in place...Now let us look at The Proclamation.  In this, it talks about the responsiblity/role that a husband has over his home.  Notice it is once again, the 3 p's(My brilliant teacher is the one who figured this out, so I must give him the credit)  They are Preside, Provide, and Protect.  Each of these seems to go hand and hand with the 3 p's of dating.
Planned-----Preside
Paid for-----Provide
Paired off---Protect
Can you see how they are connected?  Can you see how dating, in the proper way, is practicing and preparing us for our roles in our eternal family?  Now gentlemen, when you follow these steps in dating, I assure you the women's role of Nurturing will be there. :D  The proclamation was carefully written...with many drafts.  We need this message more than ever.  We need to protect our roles as men and women, marriage, and the family.  Let us start(throw off Satan's plan) at the very beginning, with the 6 p's of dating!

A Sensitive Topic

In my family relations class this week, we talked about a sensitive subject, same sex attraction.  This is a hard issue to discuss, and I don't wish to offend anyone by this post.  I can't say I know for certain what causes these same sex attractions.  I feel deeply that I must take the same view as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints approach on this issue.  Dallin H. Oaks and Lance B. Wickman did a interview with public affairs on same-gender attraction found here:

 http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/interview-oaks-wickman-same-gender-attraction

In this interview, Wickman had said, "Whether it is nature or nurture really begs the important question, and a preoccupation with nature or nurture can, it seems to me, lead someone astray from principles that Elder Oaks has been describing here.  Why somebody has a same-gender attraction...who can say? But what matters is the fact that we know we can control how we behave, and it is behavior which is important."

I also like where Elder Oaks talked about how the sin is not in having those inclinations or feelings, but it is in yielding to that temptation.  This commandment applies to everyone.  We have the agency to choose how we will live. God has commanded to us that marriage and sexual relationships should only be between male and female, husband and wife.  This is how God has designed it.  The important thing to realize is that we are not alone.  God will never give us more than we can handle.  We can overcome all things through Him.

Some interesting things I have learned from my class discussion was that:
95% of gay/lesbian have issues with pornography
70% of gay/lesbian have been sexually abused in some way(often before the age of 12)

We ultimately have a desire for intimacy.  We want to feel loved and accepted.  How many, I wonder, look towards the same sex to find this...

I would like to share the video link that we watched for my class on understanding same sex attraction, in hopes that it might open your mind to a different way of thinking about this subject....

http://vimeo.com/71799175

We also watched a video that touched my heart deeply in my Family Foundations class that I thought I should share.  This site is full of useful information.  Go to it and watch the video called, "A personal Experience"-Ty's story

http://www.mormonsandgays.org/

I hope that this post has been helpful for anyone who is looking for more information out there on this topic.  Those that are struggling with this very issue, whether personally or with a loved one, I hope that you will find peace.  Pray.  Stay close to our Father in Heaven who loves us and would never leave us.  Hopefully you know or will know  just how important you are!

Stand For The Right

In class this week, we had a discussion on whether differences in cultures are good or bad, right or wrong. Are all cultures equally valid? At first I thought that this was an easy answer.  Of course the differences in cultures don't make one right or wrong. As I sat in class and listened to my classmates, my thoughts began to change.  I realized that there is a difference between having tolerance and respect towards others and tolerating the wrong behavior.  This made me think of a couple of examples.  The first thing I thought about was about a time that I was talking to my younger(but much more brilliant) brother, about the issues of gay marriage.  It seems to be a heated topic in our country lately.  I had told my brother that I was so frustrated with all the debates.  I thought, why not just let anyone and everyone get married?  Shouldn't everyone have a choice? Why not just let them have the freedom to do what ever it is they want? (Now take note that in saying this, I was not agreeing with the behavior, but just thought we should all stop fighting and let it be)  My brother then said something that will stick with me forever. He said, my dear sister(okay, maybe not completely like that...but it sure sounds better, right? :) ), if we don't stand up for marriage, who will?  When we have been told that the constitution(in the last days) will be hanging by a thread, who do you think that thread is?  We must hold on to the Lord's values, our values.  We need to fight and stand for what is right, even if we are the only ones standing.  How true this message is.  I thought of the Primary song, "Stand for the Right".  The words are simple, but ring out loud and strong:

Our prophet has some words for you, 

And these are the words:

"Be true, be true."

At work or at play,In darkness or light,

Be true, be true, And stand for the right.

"We MUST stand as a witness to God at all times, and in all things and in all places..."(Mosiah 18:9)  We can not forget this.  "Be true, be true."

Another thought that I had during this time was that we should look to Christ as our example.  Treat others as he did.  Don't judge.  Be full of Charity.  In doing this, remember to be an example of His gospel.  Never compromise your values.  This is a great way to be a missionary. 

In this blog, I would like to include a message that was given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks on this very matter.  His message is clear.  May we heed his words and always, Stand for the Right.

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/-truth-and-tolerance-elder-dallin-h-oaks  

An ideal family

This week in my Family Relations class, we learned a little about Salvador Munition(a well know family therapist).  Munition would create "family maps" of the family he was counseling.  These simple maps would tell him the role of each individual member of the family, how they interacted with each other, and what kinds of boundaries they would place between them and others.  During class, we had a few students who volunteered to play a "family"(Father, mother, and son).  We learned that the mother was close to the son, but that the father had often distanced himself from them.  The mother and father had little communication which put up a barrier between them.  Also the mother didn't quite know her full role and often times would be confused at what her relationship was with her son(mother...friend?)  The map looked a little bit like this: 

Any ideas what a healthy family would look like?

After just a few sessions(give or take) with the family theapist, hopefully our family would look more like this:

The thing that caught my attention with this mapping, is that the mom and dad are at the center, on an equal level, in their own small circle.  I truly believe that the husband and wife should put their marriage first.  They need to work together as one.  

Elder James E. Faust once said, 

"The most sacred, intimate, and blessed relationship of life is between husband and wife. I do not love anybody like I love my wife. My mother has[my] father, and my children have their companions, but Ruth is me. Our wives become part of us, and they become like our own flesh—and as Paul counseled, we should love them as such. (See Eph. 5:28–33.) The simple truth is that it is not good for man to be alone." 

I know that there is no such thing as a perfect family, but we can all strive to seek balance in order to create an ideal family for us.  

It is important that we allow God into our marriage and home.  This will ultimately bring us balance and joy into our relationship.  

We must strive for greater spirituality in our relationships, and especially in our homes. Literally taking the Lord into partnership with us will bring us a full measure of peace, happiness, unity, and contentment.--James E. Faust

Children benefit greatly from a husband and wife working together as one.  Pray together. Read scriptures together.  Remember why you got married.  Respect one another.  Find things to do that you both enjoy.  Communicate.  Create a home of love that welcomes the spirit.  A home of safety and peace.  The rest will fall into place.

 "Indeed, one of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother."--Howard W. Hunter