A Covenant marriage

 "A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection."--Dallin H. Oaks

70% of those that have divorced, feel like they could have saved or stayed in the marriage just 2 years later.

Divorce has become common place.  Marriage has slowly lost it's value.  Once when two people committed themselves to marriage, they made a covenant with each other.  As time has passed, this binding agreement has turned into more of just a breakable contract.  A contract can easily be broken.  It is a easy way out.  Contracts can be broken as soon as one party indicates that it can't,or won't, meet its obligations.  Remember that 70% wish they could go back and mend their marriages.  Don't rush to divorce.  Make your marriage a covenant marriage. 

(Webster's Dictionary- Covenant: A formal or serious agreement or promise)

Dallin H. Oaks said it best, "I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce. ³ Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce—especially where there are children—generate new conflicts.

Please remember there will be conflict in all marriages.  As I said in an earlier post, these conflicts are not bad.  They provide opportunities to grow closer as a husband and wife.    

Full talk by Dallin H. Oaks found here: Divorce

Sometimes divorce will still happen and at times it is found to be necessary.  Know that the pain of divorce can be eased through the healing power of the atonement.  Don't loose hope.

Lastly another challenge can arise when the time comes for remarriage.  This can be especially challenging if there are children involved.  A couple of pieces of advice to blended families as they come together given from my professor:

1. The birth parent of the children should do all of the heavy discipline 

                         2. The new step parent should take on the role similar to an "aunt or uncle" until he/she has gained the love and trust from their step children

                      3. Know that it takes most families at least 2 years to adjust and become comfortable with this new life/family.  Give it time and be patient.  

Also my professor recommended two books that would be very helpful for those who are trying to blend a new family together:

      --"Treating The Remarried Family"--Clifford J. Sager

                                    --"Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family"--Barbara LeBey

  

Teenagers...They Think They Know Everything...

Teenagers. They think they know everything. You give them an inch, they swim all over you.

-The Little Mermaid

       Being a parent can be hard.  There is no manual, and no criteria to meet before you become a mother or a father.  Often times we are left with using the same techniques we were raised by, even when we thought we never would.  As my children grow older, I am quickly realizing we will soon have a teenager in our home.  I can remember being a teenager.  It is such a struggle trying to adapt to life...wanting to be independent but also you're not quite ready to do everything on your own.  Years of trying to fit in, and thinking I knew more about things than I really did.  Yes, being a teenager is tough, but now I worry about being the parent to a teenager.  There is a lot to think about...rules...discipline...dating...trying to be their friend while still being the parent...and so on.  I know that each child is different, so what can I do to ensure I am being a good parent? 

First off we need to know, what are the purposes of parenting?

2 Nephi 2:23

 "And they would have had no ^achildren; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no ^bjoy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no ^csin."

Children can bring us the greatest joys, and also the greatest sorrows.  

• provide, preside, protect; nurture (found in The Proclamation to the Family)
• teach children social norms, traditions
• Develop emotional skills (such as empathy)
• Develop capacity to love
• To provide a safe environment to learn and grow
• To help children to handle challenges they might encounter 
• To help us (the parents) know God
• To help us prepare for eternal life
• To be examples

I am sure these are just a few of the many purposes of parenting, but we must realize that there IS a purpose.  Our children need us, and we need them.  

Okay back to raising teenagers, when a problem arises, we must first identify:

WHO owns the problem?

That is, who is affected by the problem or who would like things to change?

Child or the Parent?

When we know whose problem it is, we can be better at handling and finding the solution.

As parents, we need to:

• always have respect for the child  
• Be aware of their needs, such as a need for contact or belonging.  If we don't meet their needs, they may go to other places to fulfill those needs 
• need to demonstrate confidence in their child
• Give them support and encouragement
•  Let them experience the natural consequences of their actions.  Some of the best lessons come from experiencing these kinds of consequences. (Exceptions being if the natural consequence is too dangerous, too far in the future, or if someone else will be affected)
• teach them to contribute! A family is a TEAM-think of being on a sports team, or being a member of an orchestra...if you don't do your part, you will not be able to be a part of the team.

Another good way to become aware of how to parent is to find what parenting style you use.  Here is a link to find out.

What is my Parenting style?

Finally, here are some videos that have really opened up my eyes.  They are all about dealing with teenagers, but I feel like it is useful information to all parents and grandparents to children of all ages.  Like I said, kids don't come with a manual, but it's nice to have some resources that can help you along your journey.

Video 1: The Active Parent

Video 2: Winning Cooperation

Video 3: Responsibility and Discipline

Video 4: Building courage, Redirecting Misbehavior

An Educated Mother

 "Give me an educated mother, I shall promise you the birth of a civilized, educated nation" ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

  For class this week we read an article called, Does a Full-time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop?
Years ago, I thought that a career was more important than becoming a mother.  I was dedicated to receiving my education to pursue a career.  As I type this, I now know that my thinking was in error.  Being a mother is the most important job.  No career can give one the knowledge and experiences like being a mother.  I have learned management skills, how to work for 24 hours on little sleep, and how to teach others a multiple array of subjects.  Education can do nothing but help in this process of raising the next generation.  My formal education was put on hold as I have raised my three children, but I have constantly continued to read, learn new talents, and educate myself in many ways.  I am currently back in school, now that my youngest is in school full time, and plan on continuing until I receive my masters degree.  I also know that my education will not stop there.  I hope that I may always have a love for learning and constantly continue to learn even when I am eighty years old!
   To all mothers, your education is NOT wasted!  You are doing the greatest most rewarding job.  The Lord is proud you for your willingness to be a mother.  Satan is trying to attack motherhood.  He wants us to think of our roles as less than they really are.  He wants us to think we are waisting our minds for a mop.  He wants our world to forget about being mothers altogether.  I wanted to share a video, it is not dealing with education and mothers, but it is a very powerful message for all mothers.

Motherhood: An eternal partnership with God

  I agree with Preger in his article that women are not swapping their minds for a mop. I loved that his wife continued to find ways to be educated from inside the home. We live in a day and age where technology can bring us great tools for learning. We should always do all we can, male and female, to continually expand our minds. I truly believe that our intelligence is one of the things we will keep with us in the next life.
Education has always been a high priority for me as a woman. My grandfather had two children, both girls (my mother and my aunt), and knew that he should stress to them that they receive their education. His father, my great-grandfather, often would tell his son how foolish it was to encourage women to achieve an education. Fortunately, my grandfather ignored this counsel, and my mother not only received a college degree (after having children), but was able to instill the value of education to her children. I truly believe that an education is extremely valuable to mothers. Like Erickson said in her article, "But the education of mothers—those who inculcate values and practices into the hearts and minds of the next generation—is vital." Also consider Elder Oaks words to women regarding education: “There are other reasons why it is important for our young women to receive a proper education. Education is more than vocational. Education should improve our minds, strengthen our bodies, heighten our cultural awareness and increase our spirituality. It should prepare us for greater service to the human family. Such an education will improve a woman’s ability to function as an informed and effective teacher of her sons and daughters, and as a worthy and wise counselor and companion to her husband. Some have observed that the mother’s vital teaching responsibility makes it even more important to have educated mothers than to have educated fathers” (BYU President’s Assembly, 9 Sept. 1975). What a powerful statement!
There some other reasons for a mother to receive her education. For example, it is important to prepare ourselves (as mothers), for any situation that could arise in this earthly state. Dallin H. Oaks mentioned once regarding his mother, "My mother had a college education when she married my father. When she was about 30, she had three children, and he passed away from cancer. Her college education made our home more stable, and our lives much easier. I think that if you can put in a little time to finish off a degree, a general studies one possibly, would be an investment into your and their future."
As a mother, I truly feel like the education I have received, and continue to receive, is a benefit to my family. I liked a quote I found by Dr. Charles D. McIver, in addressing the students at North Carolina College for Women said, “When you educate a man you educate an individual; when you educate a woman you educate a whole family” (in The Home Book of Quotations, 8th ed., comp. Burton Stevenson, New York: Dodd, Mead and Co., 1956, p. 2193).

Enduring LOVE

Conflicts happen in every relationship for many different reasons. In fact, conflict is very normal in healthy marriages.  Now this doesn't mean a blown out screaming(or worse) fight...there are some great ways to correctly handle conflict.  Think about it, if two people agreed on everything, liked all the same things, there would be little or no growth.  Conflicts, when handled correctly, help us realize who we are and who we can become.  It can bring  a couple closer together.
So what are some ways to handle conflict?  The first thing to remember is to always have respect!  When you respect each other, you will find that you're more willing to see things from their point of view, truly listen to them, and do it with love.  Often times when we are upset about something, we can easily find fault and blame in others, but if we we take the blame out, we will see a different outcome.  Here let me show you.

Pain+Blame=Defensiveness 

Pain-Blame=Compassion

Here we can see that if we go to the one we love with just the pain, don't point a finger, they will more likely act with compassion.  

When in conflict with our loved ones, here are some other ways to help solve them correctly:

• Don't fight about every little trivial thing, focus on the issues that are really important
• Have tension outlets: examples are humor, exercise, hobbies, etc.
• Avoid festering resentment: have forgiveness
• Be sensitive to timing: be ready and make sure you and your spouse are ready emotionally to fully be able to handle the conflict rationally
• Communicate!!!  
• Be flexible and willing to compromise
• Use the conflict to attack problems, not your spouse(avoid putting them down) Keep loving while you are fighting! Know the limits, and never being willing to cross them.  This is someone that you love and would like to spend forever with, don't forget you love them.  Say before hand, "I will not hurt this person I love."

I know that when we use these "good fighting" tactics, our marriages will grow.  We will be closer as a couple and ultimately have an  

Enduring Love...

An enduring love  : click this link to watch the video.  A sweet message of enduring love.

STRESS & CRISIS

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger--but recognize the opportunity.” 

― John F. Kennedy

First I should define Stress, stressor, and Crisis:

STRESS:  A state of mental tension and worry caused by problems in your life

STRESSOR:  The source of the stress (causing strain and stress)

CRISIS: A difficult or dangerous situation that causes changes within ones life

Many things can cause stress within a family.  

                         

 Birth of new baby                                           Loosing JOB

                                                                    Divorce                                                                    Death of loved one

       Abuse                     

                                 Alcohol abuse                             Illness                         AFFAIRS                                             

Drugs

         Disability                             DEBT                        Money                       Natural disasters

HOW DO YOU HANDLE STRESS?

There are three different reactions a family has in times of a crisis or stress.

                               1. Higher maturity is gained, members have grown

                               2. Stay the same, members just have coped

                               3. Lower level, members have long term negative reactions

Often times many handle stress by using DENIAL, AVOIDING the issues, and SCAPEGOATING(blaming others or something else).  These are common reactions in families and individuals.  They are not the best ways to react and are ineffective to solving issues.  So what is the proper way to HANDLE problems that come our way?

According to the book "Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy", there are a few effective tools for coping with our problems.  They suggest that the first step is to take RESPONSIBILITY(admit there is an issue...no denial...)  Next BELIEVE in your self!  You are stronger than you know.  In the words of Winnie the Pooh, "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."  Also don't forget about those around you.  Sometimes when we are going through a crisis it's easy to become self absorbed.  I find that SERVICE can be the best way to help one forget about their own problems.  Another way to deal with stress is called "reframing".  This means that we should REDEFINE and CHANGE the way we think of our problem.  It doesn't take all the pain away...but helps ease a bit of it.  One family after the loss of their home from a wildfire(which distroyed hundereds of homes), made a homemade sign which was placed by the damaged home saying, "Termite Free at last".  We can choose how we react! Lastly one should make make sure they use all their RESOURCES!  Family, friends, books, church, therapy, etc.  You are not alone!  Don't give up hope! 

I found another article that hopefully will be helpful for those that are dealing with stress:

Dealing with Stress and Discouragement

AND if all else fails, use the diagram below! ;)  

Keeping the flame alive!

Often times after people get married and real life starts, you hear the phrase, "the honeymoon is over".  At first love is exciting and new, and all other things can seem to hide in the background.  Often times you are walking in the clouds. The person you love is perfect and can seem like they can do no wrong, but what happens when "real" life kicks in?  The washing machine breaks, the dishes are pile up, and you have to go back to working long hours.  What about when kids enter the relationship?  Life is busy!  It can be easy to forget about making time for each other(and sadly some might go looking for that "honeymoon" love again with someone else, thinking the grass is greener on the other side).  It's very important to nurture and love your spouse even when times get tough.  Remember why the two of you married in the first place!  What was it that attracted you to them?  I once heard that it is important to keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half closed after.  Forgive one another.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Dr. John M. Gottman wrote a book called, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work."  In his book, Gottman gives a great way for a husband and wife to continue to stay connected even in their busy world.  It is called "The Magic 5 Hours A Week"
Here is what Gottman says to do to(information was taken from his blog):

1.  Partings: Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning you’ve learned about one thing that is happening your partner’s life that day—from lunch with a childhood friend to an important meeting with the boss or a doctor’s appointment. 

        Time: 2 minutes a day x 5 working days 

        Total: 10 minutes 

2.  Reunions: Be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each workday. 

        Time: 20 minutes a day x 5 working days 

        Total: 1 hour 40 minutes 

3.  Admiration and appreciation: Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your partner. 

        

Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days

        Total: 35 minutes

4. Affection: Kiss, hold, grab, and touch each other during the time you are together. Make sure to kiss before going to sleep. Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day. Lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner. (My teacher added, try and kiss once for at least 10 seconds)

      

  Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days 

        Total: 35 minutes 

5.  Weekly date: This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions that let you update your love maps(found in his book) and turn toward each other. Think of questions to ask your partner like “Are you still thinking about retiling the bathroom” “Where should we take our next vacation” or “How are you feeling about your pesky coworker these days?” 

        Time: 2 hours once a week 

        Total: 2 hours 

"The amount of time involved in incorporating these changes into your relationship is minimal. Yet these Magic Five Hours will help enormously in keeping your marriage on track. Working briefly on your marriage every day will increase the health and longevity of your relationship."--John M. Gottman, Ph.D

I truly believe that if we don't work on our marriage, we can often be set up for disasters.  We must keep the flame that we had when we were first married alive!  Like my teacher said, "Often marriage can start to feel like business, it's DIVINE when we can go beyond it!"  Let's not do what is natural, strive to do what is divine.

Marriage isn't for you!

This is not something I learned from my class, just something that I came across and felt like I should share on my blog.  We live in such a selfish world...it's all about how am "I" doing? What is in it for "me"? How do "I" feel about things?  I worry that this selfish way of thinking, filled with "I" and "me", have made our world loose track of how to find true happiness.  I believe that we must look outside ourselves...look at those around you and ask, "Are the people around me happy?"
On that note, here is some food for thought... Marriage isn't for you

Falling out of love...and climbing back in!

In class this week, we hit on a topic that really has stuck with me.  We have been talking about the challenges in marriage, particularly the first year of marriage.  The topic of gaming came up as being a problem in some marriages.  My husband I and many years back, had a personal friend that dealt with this very issue.  Our friend found himself lost in another world of a game and often lost track of time.  He became obsessed with the virtual world, often neglecting his wife and children.  After a couple years of this behavior, the couple divorced.  Our friend told us, if he could change things, reverse time and take back his actions, he would.  He didn't see what it was doing to his family until it was too late.  As I thought about this, I thought about how many times I have seen technology destroying communication and relationships, not just in marriages, but with other friends and family. Many are so dependant upon their electronic devices that they are lost with out them.  Don't get me wrong, I think technology can do many great things, but I can see how it can cause a lot of harm.  I thought of how managing our time is the best way when using technology.  Things As they Really Are is a video that illustrates this perfectly.  It made me start to think about my own life and relationships and how important to have "moderation in all things".  Satan wants to ultimately destroy our family and marriages.  He doesn't want to see us be happy, and obtain what he will never have.

"And I know that one of Satan’s cunning methods of undermining the work of the Lord is to attack the sacred institutions of marriage and the family."--Russel M. Nelson

WE are in control, NOT Satan!

“We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the celestial kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body. The devil has no body, and herein is his punishment. He is pleased when he can obtain the tabernacle of man, and when cast out by the Savior he asked to go into a herd of swine, showing that he would prefer a swine’s body to having none.“All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him. The moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 181).

We need to remember these things.  Love and forgive our spouse.  We need to not let Satan have power over us and our marriage.  Remember why you married your spouse in the first place. This is another great message of a lady who had "fallen" out of love with her spouse. It is a great message of how to gain the love back and heal the relationship.  Falling out of love...and climbing back in

Don't give up on your marriage.

"I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life, events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce. Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce—especially where there are children—generate new conflicts."--Dallin H. Oaks

On a final note, I have one last video.  We need to do all we can to keep our marriage strong.  Communicate, love, forgive, continue to date, etc.  As you do these things, I truly believe that you will find that you love your spouse more than the first day of your marriage.  "The kind of marriage required for exaltation—eternal in duration and godlike in quality—does not contemplate divorce."--Dallin H. Oaks  Saving your marriage

Practice to Prepare

This week in class, we read a talk that was given by Bruce A. Chadwick at a BYU devotional on May 7, 2002.  Chadwick titled his address,"Hanging out, Hooking up, and Celestial Marriage." I had to include this talk in my blog this week, even though I would like to talk about something else, because I feel like it is important for everyone to hear his message.   In it, Chadwick talks about 5 ways we can gain and strengthen Eternal Marriage.  Great message, please read by clicking on this link:  Hanging out, Hooking Up, and Celestial Marriage

 Until this week, I guess I have been naive to the world's standard of modern dating.  I didn't realize the pressures a young women feels, if the man pays for the date, to be in some kind of debt to him.  I didn't realize how casual dating has gotten.  These things ultimately take us away from the bigger picture of Eternal marriage.  I can see how Satan is working very hard to destroy families, so why not start at the very beginning...dating!  I wanted to address the 3 p's of proper dating; Planned, Paid for, and Paired off.  First off, the date should be planned.  The young man should take charge of this, if this is the first date or two...after that, I feel like the young women could feel free to take a turn.  He should carefully plan his date.  When, where and what you will be doing, etc.  After that, he should also plan on taking care of the costs of the date.  It doesn't mean expensive, some of the best dates are free, but just take care of any costs that might come up.  The last "p" is important so that the two on the date can have a better chance to get to know each other, and feel a connection(or see if there is one).  Now these 3 p's are for a proper date. Most of the time it is the man's responsibility to insure that the p's are in place...Now let us look at The Proclamation.  In this, it talks about the responsiblity/role that a husband has over his home.  Notice it is once again, the 3 p's(My brilliant teacher is the one who figured this out, so I must give him the credit)  They are Preside, Provide, and Protect.  Each of these seems to go hand and hand with the 3 p's of dating.
Planned-----Preside
Paid for-----Provide
Paired off---Protect
Can you see how they are connected?  Can you see how dating, in the proper way, is practicing and preparing us for our roles in our eternal family?  Now gentlemen, when you follow these steps in dating, I assure you the women's role of Nurturing will be there. :D  The proclamation was carefully written...with many drafts.  We need this message more than ever.  We need to protect our roles as men and women, marriage, and the family.  Let us start(throw off Satan's plan) at the very beginning, with the 6 p's of dating!

A Sensitive Topic

In my family relations class this week, we talked about a sensitive subject, same sex attraction.  This is a hard issue to discuss, and I don't wish to offend anyone by this post.  I can't say I know for certain what causes these same sex attractions.  I feel deeply that I must take the same view as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints approach on this issue.  Dallin H. Oaks and Lance B. Wickman did a interview with public affairs on same-gender attraction found here:

 http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/interview-oaks-wickman-same-gender-attraction

In this interview, Wickman had said, "Whether it is nature or nurture really begs the important question, and a preoccupation with nature or nurture can, it seems to me, lead someone astray from principles that Elder Oaks has been describing here.  Why somebody has a same-gender attraction...who can say? But what matters is the fact that we know we can control how we behave, and it is behavior which is important."

I also like where Elder Oaks talked about how the sin is not in having those inclinations or feelings, but it is in yielding to that temptation.  This commandment applies to everyone.  We have the agency to choose how we will live. God has commanded to us that marriage and sexual relationships should only be between male and female, husband and wife.  This is how God has designed it.  The important thing to realize is that we are not alone.  God will never give us more than we can handle.  We can overcome all things through Him.

Some interesting things I have learned from my class discussion was that:
95% of gay/lesbian have issues with pornography
70% of gay/lesbian have been sexually abused in some way(often before the age of 12)

We ultimately have a desire for intimacy.  We want to feel loved and accepted.  How many, I wonder, look towards the same sex to find this...

I would like to share the video link that we watched for my class on understanding same sex attraction, in hopes that it might open your mind to a different way of thinking about this subject....

http://vimeo.com/71799175

We also watched a video that touched my heart deeply in my Family Foundations class that I thought I should share.  This site is full of useful information.  Go to it and watch the video called, "A personal Experience"-Ty's story

http://www.mormonsandgays.org/

I hope that this post has been helpful for anyone who is looking for more information out there on this topic.  Those that are struggling with this very issue, whether personally or with a loved one, I hope that you will find peace.  Pray.  Stay close to our Father in Heaven who loves us and would never leave us.  Hopefully you know or will know  just how important you are!

Stand For The Right

In class this week, we had a discussion on whether differences in cultures are good or bad, right or wrong. Are all cultures equally valid? At first I thought that this was an easy answer.  Of course the differences in cultures don't make one right or wrong. As I sat in class and listened to my classmates, my thoughts began to change.  I realized that there is a difference between having tolerance and respect towards others and tolerating the wrong behavior.  This made me think of a couple of examples.  The first thing I thought about was about a time that I was talking to my younger(but much more brilliant) brother, about the issues of gay marriage.  It seems to be a heated topic in our country lately.  I had told my brother that I was so frustrated with all the debates.  I thought, why not just let anyone and everyone get married?  Shouldn't everyone have a choice? Why not just let them have the freedom to do what ever it is they want? (Now take note that in saying this, I was not agreeing with the behavior, but just thought we should all stop fighting and let it be)  My brother then said something that will stick with me forever. He said, my dear sister(okay, maybe not completely like that...but it sure sounds better, right? :) ), if we don't stand up for marriage, who will?  When we have been told that the constitution(in the last days) will be hanging by a thread, who do you think that thread is?  We must hold on to the Lord's values, our values.  We need to fight and stand for what is right, even if we are the only ones standing.  How true this message is.  I thought of the Primary song, "Stand for the Right".  The words are simple, but ring out loud and strong:

Our prophet has some words for you, 

And these are the words:

"Be true, be true."

At work or at play,In darkness or light,

Be true, be true, And stand for the right.

"We MUST stand as a witness to God at all times, and in all things and in all places..."(Mosiah 18:9)  We can not forget this.  "Be true, be true."

Another thought that I had during this time was that we should look to Christ as our example.  Treat others as he did.  Don't judge.  Be full of Charity.  In doing this, remember to be an example of His gospel.  Never compromise your values.  This is a great way to be a missionary. 

In this blog, I would like to include a message that was given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks on this very matter.  His message is clear.  May we heed his words and always, Stand for the Right.

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/-truth-and-tolerance-elder-dallin-h-oaks  

An ideal family

This week in my Family Relations class, we learned a little about Salvador Munition(a well know family therapist).  Munition would create "family maps" of the family he was counseling.  These simple maps would tell him the role of each individual member of the family, how they interacted with each other, and what kinds of boundaries they would place between them and others.  During class, we had a few students who volunteered to play a "family"(Father, mother, and son).  We learned that the mother was close to the son, but that the father had often distanced himself from them.  The mother and father had little communication which put up a barrier between them.  Also the mother didn't quite know her full role and often times would be confused at what her relationship was with her son(mother...friend?)  The map looked a little bit like this: 

Any ideas what a healthy family would look like?

After just a few sessions(give or take) with the family theapist, hopefully our family would look more like this:

The thing that caught my attention with this mapping, is that the mom and dad are at the center, on an equal level, in their own small circle.  I truly believe that the husband and wife should put their marriage first.  They need to work together as one.  

Elder James E. Faust once said, 

"The most sacred, intimate, and blessed relationship of life is between husband and wife. I do not love anybody like I love my wife. My mother has[my] father, and my children have their companions, but Ruth is me. Our wives become part of us, and they become like our own flesh—and as Paul counseled, we should love them as such. (See Eph. 5:28–33.) The simple truth is that it is not good for man to be alone." 

I know that there is no such thing as a perfect family, but we can all strive to seek balance in order to create an ideal family for us.  

It is important that we allow God into our marriage and home.  This will ultimately bring us balance and joy into our relationship.  

We must strive for greater spirituality in our relationships, and especially in our homes. Literally taking the Lord into partnership with us will bring us a full measure of peace, happiness, unity, and contentment.--James E. Faust

Children benefit greatly from a husband and wife working together as one.  Pray together. Read scriptures together.  Remember why you got married.  Respect one another.  Find things to do that you both enjoy.  Communicate.  Create a home of love that welcomes the spirit.  A home of safety and peace.  The rest will fall into place.

 "Indeed, one of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother."--Howard W. Hunter

You will be called "Old fashioned"

Alma 30:14  "Behold, these things which ye call prophecies, which ye say are handed down by holy prophets, behold, they are foolish traditions of your fathers."--Korihor(a known anti-Christ)

Remember the times of the Cosby Show? Good family values...mom, dad, 5 children...loved each other?  The typical American family.  Even though it was not that many years ago, times have sure changed.  In this day in age, we often are no longer shocked to see couples who never marry, or never have children.  It has become a norm to have premarital sex or see unwed mothers.  Divorce rates have greatly increased and birth rates have decreased.  Why are we no longer shocked?  Why have we seemed to loose value in families?  Why is the way of the Cosby show considered "old fashioned"?

During this week of my Family Relations class, we discussed these trends and why they are happening.  I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that we as a world have slowly pushed God out of our lives.  In America, we can no longer pray in school.  America would like to take God out of the constitution and pledge of allegiance.  I know that these are not the textbook answers, but I feel deep down, that this is the biggest reason for our world changing.  In 1995, we received the Proclamation to the Family through the twelve apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I know that the timing of this is not a coincidence.  We need to know what defines a family more than ever.  In this Proclamation, we can learn of what marriage is and what each of our roles are as males and females.  I know that many out there might not agree with this message, but I would ask you to read it with an open mind and ask(pray) to know if it is true.  Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "...Never in the history of the world has it been more important to learn how to correctly discern between truth and error." Satan wants to deceive us on what a family truly is.  He wants us to feel alone and helpless.  Even though this Proclamation will be the "road less traveled"or "old fashioned", it is the way of the Lord.  It is the way for us to be truly happy.  It is the way to be with our family forever.  Notice this Proclamation does not just say this is only for the people of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but for the world!    

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

I also recommend reading the words of Elder Henry B. Eyring from his BYU address shortly after The Proclamation was released.  His message is powerful.  

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/02/the-family?lang=eng

I sure miss the Cosby Show...

Forever is an awfully long time...

Let's face it, when it comes to family, we all feel like this from time to time...

Sometimes I want to "make my family disappear"...but most of the time, I wouldn't trade them for the world.  My family is my greatest joy.  I love being able to be with others that will love me no matter what or who I am.  According to the LDS handbook 2: Families in the Church it reads, "Heavenly Father established families to bring us happiness, to help us learn correct principles in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare us for eternal life."  I know that many out there, maybe even you, do not have this in your home, but this is something to strive for in the future.  I didn't have the perfect family growing up, and my home was not the most ideal place to come home to, but as I moved out and started a family of my own, I tried to make this a priority for my spouse and children.  The world needs more righteous families.  They need examples of couples who have respect and love towards one another, who strive to have a home that the spirit can dwell in.  There are many types of families out there, and sometimes we don't have control over our family situations, but just remember you are never alone.  Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of you.  We all have a heavenly family.
I started this blog for a college class that I am taking at BYU-Idaho, but I hope that this blog will become more than just an assignment.  I hope that, even though I am not the best writer, I might be able to help bring someone to a greater understanding of what this life is all about: family.