Often times after people get married and real life starts, you hear the phrase, "the honeymoon is over". At first love is exciting and new, and all other things can seem to hide in the background. Often times you are walking in the clouds. The person you love is perfect and can seem like they can do no wrong, but what happens when "real" life kicks in? The washing machine breaks, the dishes are pile up, and you have to go back to working long hours. What about when kids enter the relationship? Life is busy! It can be easy to forget about making time for each other(and sadly some might go looking for that "honeymoon" love again with someone else, thinking the grass is greener on the other side). It's very important to nurture and love your spouse even when times get tough. Remember why the two of you married in the first place! What was it that attracted you to them? I once heard that it is important to keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half closed after. Forgive one another. Everyone makes mistakes. Dr. John M. Gottman wrote a book called, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." In his book, Gottman gives a great way for a husband and wife to continue to stay connected even in their busy world. It is called "The Magic 5 Hours A Week"
Here is what Gottman says to do to(information was taken from his blog):
1. Partings: Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning you’ve learned about one thing that is happening your partner’s life that day—from lunch with a childhood friend to an important meeting with the boss or a doctor’s appointment.
Time: 2 minutes a day x 5 working days
Total: 10 minutes
2. Reunions: Be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each workday.
Time: 20 minutes a day x 5 working days
Total: 1 hour 40 minutes
3. Admiration and appreciation: Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your partner.
Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days
Total: 35 minutes
4. Affection: Kiss, hold, grab, and touch each other during the time you are together. Make sure to kiss before going to sleep. Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day. Lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner. (My teacher added, try and kiss once for at least 10 seconds)
Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days
Total: 35 minutes
5. Weekly date: This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions that let you update your love maps(found in his book) and turn toward each other. Think of questions to ask your partner like “Are you still thinking about retiling the bathroom” “Where should we take our next vacation” or “How are you feeling about your pesky coworker these days?”
Time: 2 hours once a week
Total: 2 hours
"The amount of time involved in incorporating these changes into your relationship is minimal. Yet these Magic Five Hours will help enormously in keeping your marriage on track. Working briefly on your marriage every day will increase the health and longevity of your relationship."--John M. Gottman, Ph.D
I truly believe that if we don't work on our marriage, we can often be set up for disasters. We must keep the flame that we had when we were first married alive! Like my teacher said, "Often marriage can start to feel like business, it's DIVINE when we can go beyond it!" Let's not do what is natural, strive to do what is divine.
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